yeah, this is a direct result of the greatest victory against car culture by Dutch moms in the 70s. Car brain makes you dependent on a whole compact of ideology, industry and city planning that keeps people dependent on cars. You are only a “full human” when you get your driver’s licence and can afford fuel (priced according to whatever war is going on in the world at the moment).
So, if both American and Dutch parents value independence, why do Dutch kids seem so much happier? I wonder if the key difference lies in how both sets of parents understand what freedom for kids looks like.
“Dutch parenting is all about raising self-sufficient kids,” Tracy told me. “My older two (ages 12 and 14) bike more than 10 kilometers (6 miles) daily to school since there are no school buses.
“If a teacher cancels a class, students just have free time instead of a substitute. My 14-year-old had two canceled classes this morning and simply stayed home until noon. This would be a logistical nightmare for schools and parents if we didn’t just expect our kids to sort it out.”
Dutch parenting, according to the close to a dozen parents in the Netherlands I spoke with, emphasizes allowing children a freedom of movement that many American kids don’t have. When I was in Haarlem and Amsterdam, bikes and little kids on bikes were everywhere.
Good article. We moved to an open concept neighborhood (low open fences, not “privacy” style) and the kids have a lot of movement around the neighborhood since it’s safe, and it has a lot of trails, wide sidewalks, and bike lanes. Yes, it’s more affluent. They’ve definitely been a lot happier than our last house where privacy fences were everywhere. They made friends a lot faster and seem to know everyone.
Honestly that quote sounds a lot like my childhood in Minnesota in the late 80s and early 90s.
Some of that might be rosy retrospection but I wonder how much this has changed in the US over the years.
I grew up in the suburbs of a midwestern city, where we could run into the woods to play army or ride bikes in a closed neighborhood (not gated, just no through traffic) or walk from yard to yard with no fences except for houses with pools or walk to the next neighborhood over. We were free to explore as long as we didn’t cross certain streets and came home by dark. We walked to the bus stop to go to school.
Contrast that to where I live now in a major metropolitan city where kids never see “the woods”, can’t safely ride bikes anywhere but bike paths, have tall privacy fences blocking both socializing but also blocking multi-yard sports areas, have no “neighborhoods,” and have to be driven by parents in a car directly to school (where they have to wait in a line of 100 cars to pick up kids everyday). How can kids ever become self sufficient? They have to be parented every minute of their lives until they are 16. It’s wild.
But that is in the US. When I visit Europe there are kids by themselves on the subway going wherever a 10 year old needs to go.
In suburban North America… steps outside you have nothing but roads with cars going 50km/h+, no shops or cafes to walk to because of zoning laws, maybe a small park a 15 minute walk away.
You have to have your parents take you places, you cannot go anywhere alone. In the USA you also have to worry about potential shooters because people play fast and loose with gun laws there.
maybe a small park a 15 minute walk away
This is really dependent on where you live in the US. I just checked and the house I grew up in was within a 15 minute or less walk of 7 parks and 15 minutes isn’t really that far to walk. Especially in the US.
As often as shootings are in headlines. Do the vast majority teenagers across the U.S. ever encounter a shooting in their lifetime?
I have a feeling the media might be blowing it out of proportion and any time someone throws a statistic it includes urban areas where gun crimes have always been a daily occurrence.
Or were you just making small talk?
Shootings happen here way more than they make headlines! The media unreports it. Yes kids are exposed to this, it’s fucking real. Where are you getting your “feeling” from? US has a terrible gun violence problem.
Yep we have on average 125 shootings that result in fatalities per day and 2 mass shootings.
In Scarborough, Canada where I grew up, shootings occur once every few years at the malls I go to, a library or neighbourbood park I’ve been to or like yeah even if i don’t get a gun pointed at me in my life, knowing that shootings have happened in places I’ve been to is harrowing to know. In the US, it happens several times a year in many neighbourhoods. Compare Chicago and Toronto, cities of similar size and climate, one has 2726 per year shootings, the other has 461…
When mass shootings happen regularly, and knowing that gun ownership is ubiquitous (rather than largely connected to presumably illicit criminal weapons), active shooter drills are as commonplace as fire drills worldwide, it’s a structural fear, of course we’re not paralyzingly afraid all the time, but it’s built into peoples’ upbringing. The effects bubble up in other areas and affect overall happiness.
I dunno I was a teenager last decade; sure people got anxious when there were the drills, but mostly people are desensitized to it.
It’s sorta like hearing about a fire in a far off place, or an earthquake, it could happen here, and that would be scary, and you feel bad, but at the end of the day if you let yourself worry about it you would just be in a constant state of panic.
So you talk a bit about legislation afterward and then go back to worrying about finding a job that pays a living wage. Since that economic catastrophe is not, as in the former case, a matter of statistical bad luck but an approaching inevitability.
A lifetime is a pretty long time. With the number of gun related incidents every day in America the odds are certainly not negligible.
Let me get this straight: your position on this is that the issue is only worth even talking about when on average, each American experiences a shooting at least once? Or are you just making small talk?
But seriously, wear a helmet. I just saw an elderly dude crash with a young lady, both on bikes, today in Harderwijk. He was bleeding from his head, and he wasn’t even going fast
I saw a lady carrying 3 kids in a bakfiets…no helmets…because it’s that naturally safe. It’s like water to a fish…
Bike Culture > car culture
It’s hard to overstate the impact cars have on childhood. As a parent I’m not worried about some rando snatching my kid, I’m worried about someone hitting them with a car. There are so many places in the US where it is unsafe to walk, and there’s a reason why our traffic deaths are going up while the rest of the world’s are going down.
I’m active in trying to make my city a place where kids can have the freedom to explore and grow, but it definitely feels like a “planting a tree the shade of which you will never know” situation.
Keep planting those trees, you might not enjoy the shade but can appreciate the grass growing around it.
o7
“Why do Dutch children claim to be world’s happiest?” Is it because they are told that they should self-report as happy and are obedient? Yes.
What is your source for that?
He grew up having the freedom to make shit up.
Haha. If you ask Dutch children what they think about something, you’ll get brutal honestly on the edge of offending.
When people over do that they’re generally called edge-lords. And it’s not considered special or good.
As a Dutch person living abroad (even though only in neighbouring Germany) it’s true that our directness is sometimes seen as impoliteness. Most Dutch people I know mean absolutely no offence and just say out loud what they are thinking. Somehow many other countries prefer to skirt around uncomfortable direct communication.
What’s a Dutch woman going to say when you ask for her sign?
Stop.
It’s actually the opposite! There is such an investment into the independence of the youth here that children feel generally more comfortable expressing their feelings.
